So Apparently...... You holdin' out

Can you believe that people use to wait until they were married to have sex? And even crazier, the majority of that generation didn’t get divorced. Purist would say that we’ve lost our way… that sex doesn’t mean as much as it did in the good ol’ days. Yeah okay, and schools were better when they were segregated. It’s time to kill this 20th century notion of when to have sex and when not to. Women want relationships, men want pussy. It’s not that black and white. It’s not all about the man’s lust for penetration, last time I checked women also love sex. So why have women created this waiting system? 3 months, 6 months, 9 months after the last relationship but 2 months before her birthday. It’s all kinds of dumb ass rules and regulation to have sex with certain women, but at the end of the day, the right man can slip past all of that and hit it the first week, and end up becoming her husband. Why? Because women fuck who they want to fuck regardless of the sanctions they place on their pussy. And no matter how long or short a man has to wait, that won’t affect his decision to be with her.

If you give a Man sex too early he won’t want to commit? FALSE

This theory of once he hits it he won’t act right is asinine. Pussy doesn’t fry the brain; it won’t make a “good” man go Mr. Hyde on that ass. If he acts differently after sex, it’s not a transformation it’s a revelation. That nigga was always an asshole, if anything you should thank your walls for unmasking him before it was too late.Go ahead and wait 3 months and if he changes up on you, now you’re fucked because you probably love him. If you would have gave his fiendish ass the nookie after the third date you could have saved yourself some tears.  If a man is down for you, getting his dick wet won’t change his feelings.

 If you have sex on the 1st date he thinks of you as a freak? FALSE

Men are easy, we don’t turn away pretty pussy, some of us won’t turn away ugly pussy, the hole is the goal, and rarely will we turn down easy sex. The first date is too early, but a man’s ego will tell him, “You fucked because you’re that tight, not because she’s easy”. In the words of Marcellus Wallace “that’s pride fucking with you”. Most guys aren’t Lamar Odom; they can’t look past the “if I fucked her this Saturday who fucked her last Saturday” mindset. BUT! If she calls him the next day, and she’s acting just as cool as she was before the sex, then he starts to rethink things, he already got the sex so what’s the attraction? More Sex, not really. If she makes it clear that she’s not looking for a sex buddy, he’s not holding first date sex against her, she’s no longer a freak he just thinks he’s the man. Women dictate relationships, you decide who you want; we men either show up or disappear. You can take any guy and let him smash a girl that looks like Beyonce the first night, she hits his phone the next afternoon wanting him to take her out, he’s not going to say, “nah I already hit that”, he will be locked to her hip until she’s done with him, first night sex now means nothing– she’s in control. I’m sure there are a million people (not just Evelyn and Ochcocinco) who fucked on the first date and went on to have great relationships. Yeah he may have called you a freak at the time, but first impressions aren’t always the final impression.

If he waits six months, that means he wants ME for ME? FALSE

Really? You’re so amazing that you made this man wait six months with no outside ass? Maybe you are, but the odds are you aren’t. Six months is a long time, and in this day in age, it’s forever. Men will wait it out because they fool themselves into thinking they can break any chick down. When you go out with him he’s going to show his sensitive side. He’s going to give gifts. He’s going to make you his girl. You will meet his family. All of this is so he can get the pussy faster. In her mind she knows it’s not time so she’s not going to do it. Tell him straight up, “I don’t do anything until I’m six months in”, and he won’t care because this nigga thinks he’s Clark Kent. Your ex-boyfriends were Bruce Wayne, they had swag, but this nigga thinks he’s from another planet. He’s not. He’ll get blue balls like the other dudes you made wait. By the fourth month he’s not even trying anymore, it’s become an obsession that drives him to be the best man he can be—until you give him the pussy. be prepared because you’re now in the same boat as the girl who fucked on the 2nd date. 50/50 miss thing, those are the odds that he’s going to bounce.But he loves you, you spent so much time together—BULLSHIT! You held him hostage, you think any man in his right mind is going to leave five months in and he hasn’t fucked? You ride that out! What you did was torture. If sex was war, you would have just water boarded this man for six months because you want him to love you. Withholding pussy doesn’t make him love you! It makes him resent you. Sure a month or two will make him respect you more than letting him hit the first week, but you took it to the level where you damaged his ego. This man thought he was Superman, and you just proved his mortality. What if your shot wasn’t as good as the last girl he was smashing? I’m positive your head game won’t be up to par given the lack of sucking for six months. You made your relationship ABOUT sex by not giving him sex. You think he loves you for that?

Only have sex with exes so your numbers won’t increase? FALSE

Do you know how many times I’ve heard this dumb shit? Do you know how many times my penis has benefited from this dumb shit? There are females who love to fuck, but they don’t want to seem like whores so they fuck the same circle of people… think about that. You’re fucking David this week, in two weeks Tim, next month you’ll see if Brian wants to go out. But when you get a REAL boyfriend who actually cares about you, this nigga has to wait until the Mayan Calendar expires. Whose rule are you following?Is there a handbook they give out in High School that says it’s okay to be throwaway pussy for your ex-boyfriends and then a saint around the guys who really care about you? There is no list! At the pearly gates that dude with the book (sorry 49ers I’m not up on my biblical characters) will not flip through all the dicks you’ve taken and say, “Nope! You fucked one too many guys on earth, you should have just recycled Craig instead of giving Lamont new pussy”.

Fuck like a Man, that way you won’t get attached:  FALSE

Who said we don’t get attached? We catch feelings hard. But we don’t hold sex up on a pedestal; it’s the things that we do outside of sex that mean the most. If we’re having sex and we’re becoming true friends, we begin to fall in love. Pussy is the thing that we need to get out of the way in order to move to the next level. Females think the next level has to come before they give it up. That right there is where the problem lays. We want to get to the sex so we can see if we really like you. You want to get to the relationship to see if you should have sex with us. It’s a confused mess. You can’t just become a man, you’re a woman for a reason, females are superior to males because they are breed to have sexual standards. Don’t go out and fuck every man you think is cute, that’s not going to make you happy. And if it does I suggest you go to Vivid Video and get paid 5G’s a scene to do it on camera. There has to be a balance! Satisfying your normal sexual urges and fulfilling that need to be in a meaningful relationship where sex isn’t what he’s sticking around for can be achieved.

I can’t tell anyone when to have sex, everyone is different, but there are women who put up these safeguards against men they really like and I just want to emphasize that be it six days or six months, you still have a 50/50 shot at love. Sex may seem like it’s the most important thing in the world, but it’s not. If you’re not a virgin, you’ve already made up your mind that you want to fuck, so why deny yourself penis. My homegirls says 2-3 months is her range, I asked what if you hit 3 months and his dick doesn’t work properly. She said as serious as a heartbeat, “Won’t be the first time”.  It’s not all about the man’s sexual needs, suppose his sex game is wack, all coochie gets moist, not all dicks get hard. Why waste 6 months and then find out the love of your life has a dick softer than an 80’s sitcom. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, so fuck who you want to fuck when you want to fuck them, no one cares anymore. 

So Apparently...... You deserve to be single

I saw a grown ass woman on TV praying for a man. This chick had her hands clasped together praying for a good man on some “Are You There God, it’s me Thirsty” type shit. Everyone wants someone. But a relationship should not define your life. I have no problem with women wanting to be in love, but I have big issues with women who are obsessed with being in a relationship just for the sake of saying they’re in one. Drawing hearts, regurgitating love quotes, watching that stupid assNotebook movie, have a Sunny D if you’re that damn thirsty. “I wish he were here” Who is he!?! Stop living in a fantasy world, no man will ever be the ideal boyfriend you picture when you’re single! You want love, that’s normal. But when you’re in love with the thought of being in love—that’s destructive.

WHY YOUR ASS DESERVES TO BE SINGLE:

YOU ARE ULTRA RATCHET: I have love for my ratchets, they’re down to party in the club with the tags still on their dress and regardless of how little hair they have on their head they can pull that shit into a ponytail. But their are women out there that hit level 36 on the Ratchetmon meter and evolve into the mythical Ultra Ratchet, they have no class, no manners, and they generally don’t want shit out of life. Why would any man want to be in a relationship with a woman who’s always angry, doesn’t work, doesn’t go to school, and her purpose in life is to act out like she’s 15 years old? You know the type that smokes weed around her kids, gets an attitude if you holla at her homegirl and not her, and then starts rumors about everyone who’s happily in love. I don’t care if you have Daddy issues, fuck this “product of my environment” excuse, own up to your insecurities and stop basking in your basicness. How do you expect someone to love you if you clearly don’t love yourself?

SUCKER FOR LOVE: Raise your hand if you’ve given men money, the use of your car, or sex just because he asked. Every minute a sucker is born, and it’s not just men tricking, a woman will come out of pocket fast as hell these days, and won’t even realize she’s being used. Why? Because he dropped those three small words on her. It has nothing to do with her IQ, its game. Some women fall in love with a pretty smile and long dreads and the next thing you know their credit score drops lower than Dionne Warwick’s breasts . If he’s out with his friends in your car and you’re at home updating your Facebook Status, guess who’s in love with whom? 

MS. PACMAN: Girls love to be chased, and men love to chase. But what happens when you’re caught? It’s not happily ever after, in two months you’ll be flirting with the new nigga on your job. Your Coochie doesn’t tingle the same way it use to now that you’re fucking the same dude every Saturday night. Your entire swag was built around being a cock tease—now you have dick coming out of your ears. You need the flirting, the slick talk, the “should I or shouldn’t I” feeling that comes when he’s in pursuit of your pussy. I knew this girl who had a boyfriend, would always let me feel her up, but wouldn’t take it further than that because she was “faithful”. You’re letting me rub on your ass and kiss your neck while saying “stop boy, I got a man”. You think he’s cool with that!? Why the fuck do you have a dude if he can’t get you as moist as the wolfish nigga who just wants to use you as a seamen deposit box?

YOU LOVE TO SHAKE YOUR ASS: If you’re in a relationship and you would rather go to the club than sit home and watch a movie with your man— You’re not ready. Boring is not a fact, it’s an opinion. “Oh he’s so boring; he doesn’t want to do anything”. Guess what? If you’re in a real relationship, you don’t have to do shit– literally. The best thing about being handcuffed is that I don’t have to entertain anyone. It’s been times I’ve sat on the couch lost in my own thoughts, she’s sitting there doing her nails, I look up, and she’s smiling. Happy as fuck. That’s love. There is nothing wrong with going out and dancing, but if you’re in the club the same amount of times you were before you had a boyfriend, then what’s the point? If getting pinned against the wall and letting a nigga grind on your ass to the latest Chris Brown track excites you more than a quiet lunch with your dude, you deserve to be single.

YOU’RE LIVING IN THE PAST: Remember such and such who moved away to go to school, you could have married him. Remember such and such you went to prom with, you could have had his baby. Remember such and such who had a girlfriend, he was perfect. GET OVER IT! Michael Jackson is dead, yeah I miss MJ, but you don’t see me playing Billie Jean every god damn day, I got other shit to listen to. Women blow me with this inability to get over past relationships and what could have been. You carry this bullshit into a new relationship and compare everyone to Victor, the nigga who “understood you” but died. That nigga didn’t understand you. It’s your memory of that man that makes him look 7 feet tall when he was really 5”4. How can you honestly say you’re ready to be involved with someone new when you’re constantly looking over your shoulder?

POPULARITY MAKES YOU CUM: Every woman reading this has at least twenty dudes in her phone who want to fuck her, it’s what makes her break her neck every time she gets a text message. She doesn’t give a fuck if Tasha is off work; she’s worried about if one of her “friends” is hitting her up. If I were a female I would have a 100 niggas in my phone and be constantly entertained by the attention they shower on me. But if you have a boyfriend guess what, he’s not having that shit. You better not even say happy birthday to a nigga in your phonebook if you belong to me. Women don’t always understand that, “we’re just friends, what’s the big deal”. Don’t be naïve, you don’t crack a smile when a homegirl texts you, but when a homeboy texts you you’re Heath Ledger. It may be innocent to you, but their is a limit to how much of you gets shared with other men. There is a difference between flirting and fixating, and if you can’t wait to get off the phone with your so called boo so you can see what some other nigga just wrote you, you deserve to be single.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MAKING LOVE AND FUCKING: What do you like about your boyfriend? What makes you love him? Go ahead and answer in your head… you’re lying. You don’t give a fuck about the conversations you have because his dumb ass can’t speak without using double negatives. You like the dick. Just say it.You are in a relationship because you want to fuck and fuck often. You’re not going out to art exhibits, you’re not taking in an NBA game, you are at home getting long dicked while a Golden Girl rerun plays in the background. Sex is fun, we all like it, but a relationship isn’t built on sex alone. You’re telling yourself you love this guy, but you don’t know anything about him except that his mother’s name is Janet and he likes to run his tongue from your clit down to your ass when he goes to eat it. I’m sorry if this is the first guy who ever made you cum, but that doesn’t make him the Romeo to your Juliet. A relationship built on nut busting is thinner than Naomi Campbell’s edges. You’re not in a relationship, you’re in a gonzo. Try holding the coochie back a week and see how many times you argue, suddenly you realize that this dude isn’t compatible. If all you want is sex why complicate it? That’s right, you don’t want your friends to judge you so you have to hide your freakiness under some flimsy relationship.

YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT: Why do you want a boyfriend? Because your ex moved on? Because your bestie wants to double date? Because it’s raining and your feet are cold and you could use a man to snuggle? You’re being an ass. Do you know what you have? Freedom! You can go anywhere you want to. You can talk to anyone you want to? You can flirt, you can fuck, you make him eat you out in the backseat of the car and you don’t have to answer to anyone! Being single is great! Who gives a fuck about being bored? Netflix is streaming hoe! Do you really want some dirty nigga snoring in your ear at night, farting on top of you? The arguments over nothing, the ex-girlfriend drama, competing with the Xbox, wondering if he likes you or if he likes the way you ride dick? Before you jumped in a relationship did you ask yourself—What do I really want? You have a million things you want to do with your life, but as soon as the first nigga with tats and a driver’s license hollas at you, your list dwindles down to one. It’s no longer about what you want to do with your life; it’s about what he’s doing… Where he’s at… Why he isn’t calling you… Now you hate men, you hate being in a relationship blah blah fucking blah. You found the lamp, the Genie popped out, you wished that you could see yourself happy. He gives you a picture of yourself in Kindergarten. Now you’re pissed because that wish was a waste. Men are Genies. You can’t be mad at the man for giving you a shitty relationship, you’re the one that asked for it without taking the time to think about what it really meant. What’s worse than being single? Being in a fucked up relationship. Appreciate what you have and stop wishing for something you’re not ready for.

So Apparently...... There is a code??

The Man Code, the unwritten law between all men regardless of race, age, religion, or gang affiliation. It’s real, and as men there are certain things we just don’t do to one another unless betrayed first. I’ve been accused of breaking the Man code when I write this blog, but while I await my punishment, I want to talk about The Woman Code. There is no unwritten rule between women, if you think there is, then you’re asking for a world of hurt. This idea of sister hood is a joke. A girl will betray another girl to gain favor with a man, how fucked up is that? Even more fucked up is that most of you won’t ever see it coming…

Here is a female’s relationship with another female who she calls “Friend” àcoolàdrama à cool again à more drama à cool again. REPEAT. A man’s relationship with his boys will stay at cool his entire life. If a man does something to piss his homie off, they deal with it. If he steps out of line big time— that nigga is DONE. A guy will say “I don’t fuck with him,” and it’s over, no more talking. I’m in the midst of sending out wedding invitations and some dudes aren’t going to get invited because some of my groom’s men feel they have been violated in a major way by certain dudes. Even though I’m cool with those other guys, I got to ride with the nigga I’m closest to—that’s the Man Code. A female will say “I don’t fuck with her”, and then two weeks later they’re at the club shaking their ass together. So why bullshit? Why pretend that there is this underground sister hood? Because women generally want the love and companionship of Carrie and Samantha, the problem is by being blind to the lack of loyalty, they set themselves up to get stabbed in the back. It’s time to set some real rules to protect your neck…

THE WOMAN CODE

Don’t Share Your Struggle: “Oh girl, shit’s so fucked up, I got shorted on my check and I had to get money from Greg, but he wanted me to jerk him off” I don’t care if you have money issues, health issues, or relationship issues, don’t share your struggle with hoes. You and April might be cool this month, she may even give you good advice, but one day soon you will be beefing over something stupid and April will tell Tasha and em’: “You know she be jerking niggas dicks for money when her phone bill due?” or “They found a cysts in her coochie? It came from fucking all those Mexicans” or “You know her Mother lost her job and be borrowing money from her, bet she on crack again”. Anything you tell your present bestie, know it can be used to slander once she becomes your future enemy. I’ve seen it happen dozens of times.

Don’t Loan Money: Girls keep a running tab. If I pay for my boy to get in the club or buy him dinner, it’s not, “remember you owe me $37.50” it’s chalked up to the game. When a girl does another girl’s hair she’s counting how much grease she used, the oil sheen, and the electricity consumed while that bitch had the blow dryer running. You go out to the club; you can’t get a nigga to buy you that passion fruit mojito that you need to do your Dougie? “Oh I got you girl” bitch please, best believe your homegirl just added that 9 dollars (15 in LA) to her mental note pad. Next time you’re out and it’s time to pay for something, “what about that $103 you owe me” The other girl will have no idea how she’s amassed this much debt, she thought her friend was helping her out. And don’t try and get out of paying unless you want to ruin your credit score, it goes Experian, Equifax, TransUnion, and Lashonda Jenkins. If you don’t pay up she will go to the sisterhood and ruin your credit with them by saying, “don’t let that bitch hold nothing girl, she don’t pay you back.” So if you’re on hard times, and need 20 dollars to get in the club, I suggest you make up an excuse as to why you can’t come out. When you put money between two females the friendship will not last.

Don’t Talk About Dick: Girls talk about sex. I use to think it was short and sweet like, “yeah we did it”. No, these woman today go IN. I once walked into a speaker phone conversation of a girl explaining how some guy’s dick wasn’t that long but it was wide, and how she prefers short thicker ones rather than long skinny ones, I had to walk out of the room because it grossed me out, yet that description stuck with me because it was so traumatizing to hear a girl talk like that. But for a woman it satisfies a curiosity, and plants seeds. If you tell your homegirl how good he is at eating pussy or that he went extra and ate your ass, she stores that in her head. You talk about his dick game being the best you’ve had, even the most loyal woman will store that data like a motherfucking usb drive. You’re sisters, nothing will happen right? Lmao! You told her he made you cum… this girl doesn’t even know what that feels like. Why wouldn’t she want conduct her own test? I’ve had it happen on a few different occasions where the friends of an ex gave me their number. This one girl was my ex’s super best friend, they were like blood sisters. I started talking to her on the phone and I’m like, “so yall don’t hang anymore?” this hoe had the nerve to say, “she was just over here, that’s what reminded me to call you”. I’m a man, I have no obligation to the ex not to fuck her friend, but her friend should have enough respect for her not to go there. I stopped talking to her because I knew what the end result would be between the two of them, but in retrospect I should have smashed and let them deal with it. Don’t kiss and tell.

Three Months: I know she’s your friend, and you don’t want to end up as “that girl” who picked up the leftovers, but fuck that. If your friend dates a guy for three months or less, you have the right to sign him to a contract. Don’t ask permission because she’ll say, “I was thinking about getting back with him” just to keep you at bay. I suggest giving her a one month period after the breakup to pick up the option on the ex boyfriend. If she doesn’t get back with him in those 30 days or talk about going back to him, then you’re free to do your thing.

Secret Shop: “Where did you buy that?” I hate hearing that shit. Every time I’m out with my girl, someone asks her some random question about a bracelet or a blouse. Why do you care? Why would you want to go buy something another girl has? I remember girls used to front back in the day, “I got this from New York” for some reason when I was younger every girl would lie and say they brought clothes from New York, where in reality they brought it from the Flea Market. Thanks to the internet you can get fly with clothing from Paris, Japan, or even some hand me down shit you found on Craigslist and no biting ass hoe can steal your swag as long as you delete your browser history. Where did you get that? Just say, “New York”.

Get To Know Her Man: A good man is hard to find, so use your three month rule. You know your homegirl has issues, she doesn’t know how to keep a man, and she’ll always go running back to her ex from four years ago. So why not do some pre-gaming of your own? Talk to her current boyfriend, see what he likes, if he’s cool, has a good job. Give him the flirt test to make sure he’s not a cheater. Your homegirl will fill you in on the sex stuff and there you have it, more info than E-Harmony could ever give you. Who knows, he may be way more compatible with you than he was with her. By the end of their two month relationship, you can pretend to just find him on Facebook, and then proceed to ask, “so what have you been up to, buddy?”.

Frienemy: You love her, you’ll do anything for her, she’s your motherfucking girl— I understand. But do me this one favor, in the back of your head; know that any moment she can turn on you. Have you ever seen the Terminator sequels? The T2 has been reprogrammed to be John Connor’s friend and protect him. But Sarah Connor, being the wise woman that she is, warns her son, “He’s still a Machine”. John Connor loves the Terminator, but he has to be prepared for that son of a bitch to go Skynet on him. So while they laugh and say “Hasta La Vista Baby”, John is only seconds away from blowing his fucking head off. That’s what it’s like to be a girl, you can trust your girlfriend all you want, but as soon as a new girl comes around, a cute guy comes into the picture, or a promotion is up for grabs, she will Terminate your ass using all the information you’ve given her over the years.

So Apparently...... Your like a virgin

What do I think about a woman holding on to her virginity? As a man who likes sex, I hate it. But as a man who will one day have a daughter, I love it. I hate the cliché of “save it for marriage” I don’t think anyone should wait until marriage to have sex, but at the same time there shouldn’t be girls who’ve fucked five guys before they’ve even had a senior prom. I have never taken a girl’s virginity, and I’ve never wanted to. Even as a teenager most of the girls I was with had been with one or two guys before me (yes I was raised in a city of sluts, but I loved it), which made things a lot easier. The funny thing about when you’re young is that you assume every girl is a virgin, but by time you reach college you figure that 80% of the girls enrolled had their cherries popped in High School, so your only job is to avoid the other 20%. Men aren’t afraid to be a girls first because of the emotional attachment she may develop, most of us could care less. We’re afraid to get involved with a virgin because the older the virgin, the bigger the cock tease, and when you’re at a university where girls outnumber boys 4-1, blue balls have no place.

Real Virgins, not the “I haven’t had sex in seven months” variety, know they’re going to have sex and it won’t be on the honeymoon. But they’ve waited this long so they can’t give it up on a one night stand, and even if they’ve been seeing a guy for a minute, they’re still reluctant to “make love” because it has to be a certain way. You don’t want it to be in someone’s basement. You don’t want it in the Holiday Inn. His room is too basic, and your house is too close for comfort. Then you add the religious aspect and it’s amazing that some girls ever have sex. I once had to surfer through the worst hand job in the history of hand jobs because this girl thought Jesus was okay with a dry tug and rub, but using lotion was a sin… true story.

Don’t Be A Virgin Whore

If you haven’t found the guy worthy of you, cool, I mean it’s not cool, but I’m glad you have higher standards than most, especially in the age of 16 and Pregnant. But if you’re going to be a virgin. BE A VIRGIN. The last girl I talked to who was a virgin did me so dirty that it makes me mad just typing this. I had no idea this girl was a virgin, because she didn’t speak on it. But she did like to speak on other things, mainly dick. If you want lessons in phone sex she could teach it. Every time we talked, day or night, she was getting freaky. This went on for about a week and a half before we finally got time alone. In person she was shy, giggly, and didn’t even want to touch it. Why? She was a virgin. I thought she was lying. No way a girl who talked that much shit never had sex. Another one of my homeboys at school laughed at me, “oh such and such, she a virgin”. Like it was common knowledge around campus. I didn’t get the memo. But apparently a few other cats did and that’s why they didn’t peruse her. I was just another sucker she used to get her repressed porn star out. To her sex talk was fun and innocent because at the end of the day it was just talk. For me, if I ask you can I hit it from the back while you suck your tit, and you moan disappointed, “only one?” that’s a good time waiting to happen. How dare you show me a trailer for the greatest motion picture ever made then take me to see How To Train My Dragon. I call shenanigans lady! If you feel that sexually deprived that you have to give bad hand jobs and engage in explicit phone sex than you are doing yourself an injustice. You’re horny, you’re a freak, there is nothing wrong with that—Fuck and get it over with! Why be a prisoner to this idea of virginity for virginity’s sake.

Young boys run to pussy, we don’t care how our first looks; we just need to be able to go tell our friends we’re having sex. Honestly I didn’t even like the girl I lost my virginity to. In retrospect I couldn’t stand her. She was skinny, annoying, and dumb as a brick, later found out she was fucking someone close to me, but I wanted needed to have sex, and she came onto me and was older. So I dug it out, smashed, and stopped  messing with her shortly after. That’s fucked up! But it taught me to respect girls who aren’t easy because unlike the “spread’em cus he said I’m pretty” ratchets, they know how men are. We aren’t shit, we are breed to see them as an object, yet they don’t hold that against us. Women accept that we only want sex, and they don’t run, they reform. ”If you want this, it’s going to be on my terms”. That’s what separates a real woman from a hoe. Some virgins are hoes just waiting for the flood gates to open. Yeah it took shorty until the age of 23 to have sex, that doesn’t mean she won’t body 12 guys by the time she’s 24. Just because you aren’t fucking yet doesn’t mean once you start you’ll be as picky.

My fiancé told me an interesting thing, she lost her virginity when she was 19 and I asked if she regretted waiting so long, she replied “I wish I never had sex at all, it complicated life”. And that’s one more thing that makes women better than men, sex doesn’t control their relationships, if anything it gets in the way of love. You are a virgin, you are waiting for that right person, then wait, don’t settle. But I employ you to be up front. It’s not TMI when you’re on a 2nd date and the guy doesn’t know. It may be embarrassing, it may get you into a conversation you don’t want to have, but you have to tell that man. If he thinks that being a virgin defines who you are, and it costs you a potential boyfriend—Fuck him. It’s better to get blown off in the first week of the budding relationship than after two months when he finally realizes that you aren’t just testing him.

Girl: I’m a virgin

Guy: …wow. That’s what’s up. (Dag bitch, after two months you tell me this?)

Girl: I’m not waiting until marriage, I just want to wait for the right time, with the right person, hopefully that person is you.

Guy: Ahh I’m not even worried about that baby. (Hopefully? Man, she got another month to give me the ass)

Girl: I knew you would understand! I love you so much bay.

Guy: I love you too. (Damn! She ain’t going to know how to ride or nothing, probably be blood everywhere. I knew I should have hollered at her homegirl instead, that bitch got a kid, so I know she fucking)

No matter what he says initially when you drop the bomb on him, he’s going to be pissed inside. But It’s not about him. It’s about wasting your time with a guy who wasn’t strong enough to be in a relationship where sex wasn’t the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. For the fellas would you be strong enough to be with a girl who was a virgin? If she’s special, then that’s an easy answer. If you have to think about whether or not she’s special, then the answer’s even easier. 

So Apparently...... We got fake bitches

Brotherhood isn’t a secret society, it’s an in your face movement that dictates that we make the rules, earn the most money, and pat each other on the back because we have dicks. Race, Nationality, Wealth are dividers at time, but it’s been my experience no matter what city I was in, regardless of skin color, men in general looked out for me with a nod and a wink. How can Fraternity be “FOR LIFE” while Sorority falls victim to “FOR AS LONG AS THAT BITCH DOESN’T LOOK AT ME SIDEWAYS”? There’s a female cold war going on and for the life of me I can’t understand why women, with all of their innate logic and compassion, battle each other with smiles. The only thing more powerful than Sisterhood is Jealousy. Girl A befriends Girl B because she thinks she’s cool, right? Apparently that’s not always the case. I once read that sometimes Girl Abefriends Girl B so she can compete. Girl B becomes the standard which Girl Ameasures herself against. Who wears the best clothes out to the club? Who attracts the more successful men? Who’s going to get married first? And the list goes on… There is no way to tell if you are the baddest on the planet, but you can easily cross check your life with those of your friends to see if you are the hottest, the smartest, and most successful out of the bunch. It’s a battle that never really ends, old ladies in retirement homes are still popping shit about whose grandchild comes to visit more. Best friends/bitter rivals. It sounds like some bizzaro Earth, but this Mean Girls/Frenemy shit goes on in the high schools, the universities, and in the professional working world every day. No woman will EVER admit that she’s jealous of another woman or that she competes because of insecurities; however every girl reading this has a story to tell of a girl who was once a friend, or maybe still is a friend, who swagger jacked or tried to outdo her. I’m optimistic, while I’m sure there are a lot of Regina George type chicks who are out to compete, I also think there are a lot of good woman who do value friendship and believe in sisterhood.

“THERE’S A SIDE TO YOU THAT I NEVER KNEW, NEVER KNEW”

When did this fakeness start? Does the girl vs. girl resentment start on the first day of preschool? One girl comes to class with the fly ass silver barrettes in her hair shitting on the chicks with the cheap plastic ones and at that moment a voice says “That bitch thinks she’s cute, I don’t like that“. It’s totally fine not to like someone, the thing that’s foul is to proclaim your dislike one second then carry on a conversation with her the next. This isn’t just something “mean girls” do, It seems that most females regardless of their background have been guilty of being phony towards another female at some point in her life. Damn near all of the girls I’ve messed with have talked on the phone about one thing with their girlfriends: The Girls They Don’t Like… but are in the crew. I’m sure most of the fellas reading this can cosign that we as men are privy to the type of pillow talk girl bashing that would shatter friendships. Men gossip too, but generally it’s not secretive, if my boy tells me about some dumb thing Kevin did, the next week I’m going to pull Kevin’s card about it, because I don’t want to see my nigga play himself. Real men don’t get off on laughing behind each other’s back we support those in the circle. If we have malicious things to say about each other than that’s a friendship that has to be rectified with a sit down or come to an end point blank. If I don’t fuck with slim there is no going to the club, there is no calling to see what’s good in his world, he doesn’t exist. Cubic Zirconia bitches operate like an episode of Bad Girls Club. The audience gets to see them bond, promise they’ll have each others back… then we cut to the confessional where that same girl is calling her new friend in the house a dirty slut. That behavior wasn’t created for TV. That same shit happens in real life, only the confessional isn’t a room with a camera, it’s another friend who she thinks can keep her mouth closed (she can’t). “Girl, let me tell you what Brianna, said about you last night...” I bring this up because the fake bitch movement is at an all-time high. I’ve gotten emails from girls who had friends fuck their man, ruin their credit, and break their hearts in ways a man never could. I can’t be mad at the Queen Bees who exploit women, because unlike the victim she’s aware that she’s being an opportunist, she’s hustling with her eyes wide open. I’m disappointed in the women who blindly befriend these hoes and ignore the warning signs that she’s out for self. The key is to get the CZ bitches out of your life and fill your circle with real women who will hold you down, have your back, and be there because she cares about you, not what you can do for her.

“ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID THEY WERE NEVER TRUE, NEVER TRUE”

Jealousy Signs

How does your girlfriend react when you buy something new? Is she quick to shoot it down, or chime in with, “oh I had those same heels… last season“? Phoni Braxtons love to steal the thunder; if you got it she had it– allegedly. She’ll tell you that you look fat in something or that Rihanna ’06 hairstyle is still hot, just to keep you from stunting on her. Another reaction to check for is when it comes to men. When you start dating a new guy is she happy for you or is it always “Be careful with guys like him“? What kind of “guys” is she talking about? You told her two things about that man, his occupation and his astrological sign and she’s already telling you he ain’t shit. C’mon son. Now either she really hates Capricorns or she doesn’t want to see you with someone. Lonely chicks feed off other lonely chicks. Even if she’s in a relationship, she’s probably still lonely because her man doesn’t pay her any damn mind. Those rapid fire text messages you exchange are the highlight of her day, of course she doesn’t want some dude coming in-between that.  However, if you’re the type of chick who bring homes strays all the time then yeah, a good friend is right to question your fast ass relationship because you’re a bum magnet. If that’s not the case then take notes on her behavior as the relationship grows. If Renee is telling you how sexy this guy at her job is or how random niggas are suddenly telling her they like you, then she’s looking to fuck up your relationship by introducing a sabotage dick. A real friend wouldn’t promote cheating, even if she does have a problem with your man. If a girl truly has your back and your front then she will keep any beef she has with you between A and B. The last thing a friend should do is share an opinion with the sidekick worker Bee who would love to see yall friendship end so she can slide into the bff role. There may not be Single White Female level signs, but if you find yourself questioning her motives, more than likely the bitch is a backstabber. Don’t turn a blind eye because you’re afraid to lose a friend. Check that CZ behavior or cut her off completely. There is absolutely no reason to keep a fake bitch on your team… well unless you’re the Boss Bitch who’s pimping her.

Does She Jump Ship For Dick

When you enter into a new relationship, things change. You want to give the proper attention to the new person in your life, so you may not kick it with the crew as much as you use to. However a real friend will not go completely MIA. Phoni Braxton was blowing up your phone three times a day, but as soon as she got a new dick slapped in her face, it took two days just to return a “what you doing” text. This isn’t about her falling in love, this is about showing her true colors. When a new guy or even a new girl comes into the picture you realize how much you mean to that person. It’s ironic how a girl will bottom bitch her best friend the same way a nigga bottom bitched her in the past. She needed you when she was broke and bored but now that she has a man and a tax refund check she doesn’t have time to listen to you talk about your problems. You’re forced to sit on the bench until she finally calls you with, “Girl, let me tell you about what this trifling nigga did“. Now Fakenstein needs your support and wants your advice. Go ahead and let her cry those eyes out and thank you for being her best friend, I’m sure it’ll be all good… until the next new dick falls in her mouth.

Sidekick Test

Girls pimp other girls. It’s nothing new, but we never talk about this. There are women who can command car rides, get never repay payday loans, borrow hand bags for life, and even prostitute their weaker girlfriends to their homeboys with a snap of a finger. As friends you look out for each other, but there’s a thin line between being supportive and being exploited. I remember wanting to take my homegirl’s friend out on a date, so I asked my friend about it first. This chick tells me, “Don’t waste your money taking her out, I’ll tell her to fuck you“. This girl was supposed to be her road dog, they were together five days out of the week, but at the turn of the dime she feed her to the wolves. Personally I love alpha females who are so charismatic that other girls sell their soul for the right to be in their inner circle. Some may think it’s fake but those girls are being true to their nature. The wolf is clearly a wolf, you’re the thirsty ass who dressed her up like a sheep then cried victim when she brought the claws out. What’s fake is to follow behind someone who’s clearly using you because you want their approval. You’re chasing behind an Alpha, idolizing her, but she thinks of you like a court jester, that pathetic chick they all can laugh about over wine. There will always be Queen Bees and Worker Bees, not all women are created equally, but this isn’t a caste system, you can rise up the ranks. I want every woman reading this to evaluate the relationship she has with her circle of friend and determine where she falls. Are you the first phone call when shit goes down, or are you the one they conference in?  Do you get invites to all of the hang outs or do you get hit with the bullshit “Girl, I didn’t think it would be your crowd“. Of course 10 out of 10 ladies are going to claim she’s a boss or say some politically correct bullshit like, “we’re all equals” but those odds don’t add up. You don’t have to admit it to me, or anyone else, so long as you know where you stand. If you’re near the bottom it’s time to rise up and be on equal footing with that Queen or do what Kim Kardashian did with Paris Hilton, separate from the hive and find your own Worker Bees to rule over.

“ALL THE GAMES YOU PLAY YOU WOULD ALWAYS WIN, ALWAYS WIN”

Are You The Fake One

When you dare to call a girl out on her hypocrisy one of the many dumb ass answers to explain why she’s still friends with a girl she can’t stand is, “Keep your friends close and enemies even closer” …um you’re not in the Mafia sweetie, there is no need for counterintelligence. You think that once they stop talking to you they start talking about you? Hell no, you’ve been the topic of conversation. That’s what fake bitches do, use inside information against you to the point where if you do attempt to leave the pack, they have enough dirt to make you a social pariah. Why the fuck would you need your enemies doing your hair, drinking with you in the club, and helping you pick out shoes? None of that is going to prepare you for the day she throws you under the bus. Spewing cliché sayings that you don’t truly understands is almost as fake as you hanging out with your frenemy every weekend. I once wrote that a part of the Woman Code is to recognize that any friend could turn on you at any minute like a Terminator. But what happens when you’re the T-1000?  Some girls spend so much time obsessing over all the fake bitches out to harm them that they seldom realize that fighting fakeness with fakeness turns them into the very thing they’re raging against. “If she wanna act phony, I can do it right along with her” how fucking old are you? If this two-faced behavior is going to stop then women need to be honest with each other and admit when they have an issue with one another. Don’t trash her behind her back, say it to her face. If you’re having thoughts that “this bitch thinks she’s cute” then that means the bitch is cute, accept that shit. If she crosses you, don’t be passive, let her know you don’t play that shit. The solution isn’t “fuck these bitches” that’s the very reason womankind is so fractured now. Instead of isolating yourself or only being friends with guys, hold yourself and the females you associate with up to a higher standard of loyalty. It’s time to end this cold war and get your circle tight. Mrs. Gorbachev, tear down this fake ass wall.

So Apparently...... Ex's Aren't off limits

If a guy used to go out with your friend you shouldn’t pursue him after that relationship ends. False.

First, is she really your friend? Women have way too many categories and levels when it comes to friendships. You have your sisters who aren’t related by blood but may as well be. Then you have the hang out friends, work friends, school friends, church friends, do my hair friends, back in the day friends, friends of friends, frienemies, the list goes on. The point being that only a handful of those females are girls you would consider true friends, the rest are associates. Not because you don’t know them, you’ve probably known some of your associates for years but your intuition keeps her from joining your inner circle. Women may not be good at reading men, but they’re really good at reading other women, thus the separation of true friends from the girls they merely associate with. “We can shake our ass together, but I don’t invite that hoe over my house, we ain’t that cool” It may seem phoney but it makes sense. Good friends are hard to find and you don’t ruin that by hooking up with their old dick. Just say no. But what about the close associates, the girls you only fuck with because you work or club with them? Do they deserve the same loyalty as your real friends? Hell No! Think of it like Girlfriends. You’re Joan, there’s Toni, Mya, and Lynn—the crew you care about. The other girls in the hallway of life are background actors… they don’t fucking matter.

The world is too big to be dating in the same circles, but we do. Call it laziness, but I call it convenience. Some of the best relationships can blossom from a random conversation between the boyfriend of a friend who left you two alone while she went to the bathroom. You’re not going to end up exchanging numbers while your friend is pissing, but six months later if you two run into each other you’re going to remember how cool he was and ask innocently, “Are you still with Tia?”. Why feel guilty? You like him, he probably likes you, see if you’re compatible. Don’t take him off the board because of a past relationship that didn’t work out. In high school you’re expected to end up with Erin’s boyfriend who was once Jackie’s boyfriend. In College the odds are in favor of you eventually fucking someone who used to date one of your sorority sisters. In the real world this behavior suddenly becomes taboo but the rules remain the same— you have the right talk to who you want to talk to. It’s a small world when you’re horny. You could find other men, but women feel safe talking to guys they’ve met before. You already have a reason to start a conversation, you have mutual friends…

You Don’t Owe Her An Explanation: If you’re crushing on her man then I’m guessing you’re not best friends. You two aren’t Jen and Evelyn close, you’re Royce and Jen “cool” meaning that this bitch is alright… sometimes, you might cry if she died but you wouldn’t be front row at the funeral. If that’s the case then you don’t have to wait for the wound to heal. You really think that because she gave you a ride home from work once, you have to wait two months to add her ex-boyfriend on Facebook? The key word is “ex”. A man isn’t a possession; just because she rode his dick doesn’t mean she copyrighted it. If they break up on a Tuesday there is nothing wrong with going out to dinner with him on a Friday. Sure, you could call her and ask if she would mind, but that makes it seem as if you were plotting all along. Regardless, what can she say to you that will make you change the fact that you’re feeling him? It doesn’t matter if she hits you with a “Go for it, his dick’s awesome” or “I don’t care, he ain’t shit anyway”, she doesn’t approve! You’re forcing her to lie, because telling you “NO” makes her look jealous. She’ll give you her empty blessings, then as soon as she hangs up, the next call will be to her ex, warning him that she better not see him with you. Don’t sabotage yourself before you even make a move for him. Keep your feelings to yourself, if you’re that concerned about what she thinks, then allow me to break it down:  “I don’t want you fucking my ex-boyfriend no matter how long we’ve been broken up. What was mine will always be mine! Even when I get a new man he’s still mine, so kick rocks you sneaky whore and find someone who didn’t penetrate me!” Now ask yourself do you really give a fuck? Are you going to let the tag along girl who drives you to the club decide who you date? I didn’t think so. Fuck her permission slip, go for it.

Ignore Gossip: Prepare to be called out. You didn’t cheat, you didn’t take him, but you may as well have once the streets get a hold of the rumors of how it came to be. Don’t try and fight fire with fire. If she posts a subliminal jab at you on Facebook, don’t comment, let her vent. If you happen to see her at the club and she makes a comment about, “hide your man, before she steals him”, don’t take off your earrings and square up on her, ignore it. The most hurtful things scorned women spew are sexual insults. You’re not taking the plastic off the dick of a grown ass man. New dick doesn’t exist. Your boyfriend has put his penis in other women before you; he’s gone down on other women before you. Why would you pay attention to his ex-girlfriend stating the obvious? Let her call you sloppy seconds or talk shit about how he licked her ass. I’m sure she wasn’t his first stop on the freak train. You do not actually taste her pussy when you two kiss, so don’t let it bother you. Cancel out all of the negativity and slander. You know the situation and what kind of person you are. You met a guy you liked and now you want to be with him. It doesn’t matter where you got him from, it only matters where he’s taking you.

They Can’t Stay Friends: Men are competitive, but we are firm believers in the notion of “bros over hoes”. We stay loyal to our friends because men don’t use the word friend in vain. We don’t have a hundred friends, we have a few guys we consider our niggas, and a bunch of other dudes we’re cool with. So if a guy goes Tim Riggins on his boy’s Lyla Garrity it’s not the end of the bromance. Regardless of how macho we act, most guys can forgive their homies. Brotherly love often runs deeper than pussy, but sisterly love seems to falter in the midst of a love affair. There is no such thing as “chicks over dicks” because women are far more territorial when it comes to the opposite sex and would rather end a friendship with their girl then lose a guy who wasn’t ’bout shit anyway. One meaningless penis will turn best friends into bitter enemies. You’ve been like sisters since pigtails and Clarrisa Explains It All; a boy should not be able to turn you two against each other but it happens everyday. I’ve seen it happen, I’m sure most of you reading this have seen it happen. So if your bestie is capable of slitting your throat over a man, then what will a girl who’s only an associate do to get revenge? That’s why you can’t allow your new boyfriend to stay cool with his ex-girlfriend. He may not be the type to creep, but women get creative when plotting revenge. She’s going to do everything in her power to show you up. She may not even want the guy back, but now that you have him, she has a point to prove. You don’t need the drama; tell him to cut her off if he wants to be with you.

Your Future Is More Important Than her Past: Buffet style delayed dating is the way to go. You take mental notes of all the men who come and go in your associates lives, ranking them in order of “I’d fuck him” to “why would she even fuck him”. Once their relationship ends, open yourself up to the possibility of going out with him. Who’s to say that one of those guys won’t turn out to be your soul mate? Just because she couldn’t work the stick in the Porsche doesn’t mean you’re banned from test driving it. I’m not talking about betrayal of your true friends; I’m talking your happiness versus pissing off a girl you talk to once a week. You’re the Queen Bee of this Mean Girl’s flick; she’s the random bitch from the mathletes who doesn’t have any lines in your film of life. She should feel honored that you didn’t go full Spartan and take him while they were dating. Now that he’s single her claim is null and void.

I don’t care if she pretends they were only “taking a break” she choose to step out of line; hell no she can’t get her spot back. If it’s so hard for a woman to find a man she genuinely likes, why would she let a meaningless associate twat block her from a potentially good guy? To loudly quote @Dontbmad_hoe, “NOW THAT SHIT KRAY”! This is Sparta; you take care of your needs first, and worry about the next bitch later. If she wants to continue to be cool with you, then she’s bigger than the bullshit, and you may want to think of upgrading her from associate to real friend. If she chooses to stop talking to you, then so be it. Real friends are hard to find, but associates are replaceable– Letoya Luckett.